Prologue: We Play To A [Demented] Standard
And we’re back! ICYM Part 1, I covered the offense. I also started with the following preveats and cafaces (abridged):

1) I’m a singer/songwriter by trade and affliction. What follows is not “music,” “writing,” or “trade.” Pull out the mirror (and don’t look in), cause you’re getting uncut affliction.
2) Have I mentioned I never played football?
3) As I hurl invective at people I don’t know (“Jam Miller runs like he just met gravity”), remember: I love this team and I’m being a jackass. You're welcome, I'm sorry.

With that, your 2026 Alabama defense, position by position. Projected depth chart. 

Position Primer:
Coaches, especially defensive coordinators, love to name things. DC Kane Wommack deploys a “Swarm” defense–often (but not always) a 4-2-5. Meaning 4 linemen (kind of), 2 linebackers (occasionally), and 5 defensive backs (depending). Sometimes it’s a 3-4-4, aka “Geronimo’s Ghost.”

Typically, the DL has A Big Beefy Bama Boy™ in the middle (nose tackle), then some combination of ends (one called a Bandit) and edge rusher (Wolf). Atypically, the NT becomes “King Cheddar,” Bandit shifts to “Pinto,” and Wolf drops to “Bootfarmer.”

 

Linebackers include a weakside linebacker (Sting) and middle linebacker (Mike). Together, they’re The Police.

 

Defensive backs: 2 corners, 1 nickel (Star under Saban, now Husky), 1 or 2 safeties (Rover is the strong safety, often playing closer to the line of scrimmage). When Rover’s the single high safety, he gets a mallet and becomes “Canoe Bill.”

 

Confused? So are offenses. Offensive coaches are precious wunderkinds with manicured schemelawns. Defensive coaches are war criminals who will throw a dead cat on the field to confuse a QB for 2 seconds. These are My. People.

(Seriously, positions are a bit nebulous depending on situation, some roles are hybrids, and Wommack likes to rotate a lot of guys. Position-by-position breakdowns are tricky. AND since half of that was nonsense, here’s a real primer for Wommack’s scheme.)

Defensive Line: Devan Thompkins (tr), Steve Mboumouo (“Steve”), London Simmons
Also: Terrance Green (tr), Edric Hill, Kedrick Bingley-Jones (tr)
If football’s ultimately won in the trenches, the DL needs to improve. Their Beefy Bama Counterparts on the OL graciously took the mantle of “abject disaster,” letting them lumber under the radar. But I, staunch proponent of “doing something,” have spent recent years nonplussed.

Offseason press on USC transfer Devan Thompkins falls between “the answer” and “literally Aaron Donald with a mask on.” I’d settle for 3 sacks. I love STEVE in theory. London Simmons can’t crack a lineup despite doing aforementioned somethings. What gives? I heard Wommack has him kissing Alex Golesh on microfiche.

Green, Hill, & KBJ are definitely people–possibly a law firm–and I root for their success. Last, Jeremiah Beaman would’ve seen ample (and deserved) playing time after an injury-plagued careeer…until he tore his ACL in August. Fuck this sport with a bent oboe.

OLB/Edge/Wolf/”Bucksnort Dandelion”: Yhonzae Pierre, Jah-Marien Latham
Also: Justin Hill, Desmond Uzeomulu (tr), Xavier Griffin (fr)
I love Yhonzae Pierre and if he doesn’t have 40 sacks this year, I’m getting arrested for arson. JML’s never flashed to me–what better place than here, what better time than now.

Hill, however, has flashed. He’s thin and tall and fast–an oversized receiver playing edge. I can’t prove he’s ever been in the same room as Kaleb Edwards and neither can you.

Des looks the part. Brightside: he was on South Carolina’s assembly line of pass-rushing warlocks. Downside: they let him go.

Xavier Griffin was a (the?) crown jewel of Bama’s stacked 2026 class. Only a swarm of locusts can stop him from becoming Lawrence Taylor, quote me.

(Teasing Part 3: often my favorite players are the ones who haven’t played yet.)

LB: Caleb Woodson (tr), Luke Metz
Also: QB Reese, Cayden Jones, Duke Johnson, YET AGAIN Xavier Griffin
Rampant speculation this group is quote-unquote “bitchin.” I actually liked QB Reese in spot duty last year, so Metz beating him out is encouraging.

Fun fact: I was born in Blacksburg, Virginia and am also a VT fan/sports bigamist. Which is why I’m happily surprised that Woodson’s shown out. Maybe Caleb, like Baby Chris, just needed a change of scenery? And more money.

Griffin reappears, because they’re also working him at off-ball linebacker. Their idea is that he becomes Jihaad Campell redux. My idea is that he becomes the love of my life.

Before I talk secondary (and go from unhinged to padded room), a moment of zen:

Cornerbacks: Zabien Brown, Dijon Lee
Also: Chuck McDonald, Carmelo O’Neal (tr), Jorden Edmonds (fr)
In Part 1, I wrote that WRs and DBs are my favorite athletes in all of sports. So hear me when I say: I’m typing the following sections nude & slathered in butterscotch.

At this point, Zabien Brown brings me more joy than music and I don't know what to do with that. Dijon Lee is a 6’4 lockdown corner, which god said shouldn’t exist, til Dijon socked him in the grundle and stole his lightning.

Chuck passes the name test, Carmelo is huge and fun, and Edmonds is The Next One (but currently dinged up).

Bama’s doing this new thing where their average DB is 8 feet tall. Like pig ears and Louisiana, it’s weird and I’m into it.

Safeties/Rovers: Bray Hubbard, Keon Sabb
Also: Ivan Taylor, Jireh Edwards (fr), Dre Kirkpatrick, Jr.
Huskies/Rovers: Red Morgan, Dre Jr.
Also: Zay Mincey

Let’s zoom out. This is my favorite Bama secondary in many years, not just because they’re rock solid in coverage, or willing and able in run support. Say it with me: they just make plays. Zabien makes plays. Bray can’t stop making plays. Dre Jr. (kinda only) makes plays. More on him in Part 3. Red started his career making bad plays, then finished last year making (you guessed it) good plays. And I can't wait to see superstar freshman Edwards hit the field with these blessed demons.

It’s like there are 10 of them and the ball is their firstborn son.

Having said that, I need the number of Keon Sabb’s publicist. Remember middle school? Remember when you’d congregate in the hall with your friends? Remember that one kid who lingered just outside the circle? And you felt for him? But he also kept doing useless and infuriating things? Then you know pre-season All-SEC safety Keon Sabb, now in his third or twelfth Bama season, TRULY WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE WHEN YOU’RE IN BARCALOUNGER HELL. I need Jireh, Ivan, or Pete the Crusty Bankteller to unseat him yesterday.

TLDR: So Quit Asking!
Stop me if you’ve heard this: DL’s been addressed, TBD on fixed. LBs are new but (if you trust the coaches) in great shape. And I’d rather watch our secondary than take Helen of Troy to the Grammys.

(Part 3 coming Friday! Predictions, Stray Thoughts, & Special Teams If I Must)